


It hurts (but you're worth the pain)

by blair_ppark



Category: Legacies (TV 2018), Posie - Fandom
Genre: F/F, Hanahaki Disease
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-20
Updated: 2020-01-17
Packaged: 2020-09-19 10:54:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 19,407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20329954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blair_ppark/pseuds/blair_ppark
Summary: Because true love doesn't ask to be loved back, so Penelope doesn't either. Because Josie Saltzman is her everything, and maybe it's okay that she's not Josie Saltzman's everything.OrHanahaki Disease ⚘





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've read three hanahaki disease stories here in the Posie fandom, and I don't want to copy anyone. I just really like this kind of story and decided to write one. 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you like it! 
> 
> Friendly reminder: English is not my first language
> 
> Enjoy!

**Chapter 1 - It's not easy, love (but I'll keep fighting for you)**

Penelope wakes up to a burning urge to cough, except it never comes out. The sensation gets worse by the minute, and breathing becomes harder. 

She doesn’t know what to do, so she gets out of her bed and goes to the bathroom. She looks at herself in the mirror, her throat tightens and her hand goes up to touch it.

She’s never really believed in physical proof of emotions, but when she feels the petals making their way up to her mouth, she thinks that maybe she's underestimated the power of hate. 

Because there she is, three in the morning, her throat burning, her lungs screaming for air and her sink flooded with white tulip petals. But what hurts the most is knowing that the person to whom her heart belongs, doesn’t love her anymore.

Not that she didn’t already know.

But having a bouquet of flowers coming out of her as a proof makes the truth a little bit more painful. 

It shouldn’t surprise her though, Josie’s told her countless times before. But those three words have never been as shattering as they are now. 

_ I hate you_. 

She closes her eyes, leans against the door and lets reality sink in. 

She’s dying. 

* * *

It hasn’t been too hard to hide the coughing. It usually happens at night, so she doesn’t have to worry about anyone listening to her lungs protesting against the lack of oxygen they’re receiving. 

During the day, she goes on with her life normally. Except for the part where she avoids Josie at all costs. 

And honestly, she does a pretty good job at acting like nothing's wrong. She grabs breakfast, goes to her classes, spends time with her followers, makes fun of Lizzie. 

Normal.

But then again, her best friend is none other than Hope Mikaelson. And three days later, when Penelope was puking red roses all over her trash can, Hope comes barging into her room.

She asks why she has been avoiding her, and Penelope doesn’t really see a point in hiding it from her, so she tells Hope everything. 

The look on the tribrid’s face makes Penelope’s stomach stir, she doesn’t want anyone looking at her like that. _ Pity _in their eyes. 

She wants them to see her for what she is - head witch in charge, cold hearted bitch, obnoxious, selfish, evil - but is she, really?

“I’m not telling her.” She argues for the hundredth time when Hope suggests that she should talk to Josie. 

It’s not the brunette’s fault. If anything, it’s Penelope’s. She broke Josie’s heart, made her hate her; of course she had a good motive, but the brunette doesn’t know that, and Penelope doesn’t plan on telling her the truth anytime soon.

And besides, she doesn’t want to put this on her - pressure her into not hating Penelope anymore. The guilt will eat her alive and she’ll kill herself trying to forgive the girl, even though she despises her. 

So no, Josie won’t know about this. Just like everyone else won’t either. 

* * *

Just like a broken record, Hope and Penelope make their way to the cafeteria after a sleepless night. 

Penelope immediately spots a certain brunette who she's never able to get out of her head. Her smile drops as she stares at the girl, the usual pain increasing in her chest, but she quickly masks her face with her usual smirk and seductive eyes. 

Hope, being Hope, knows it’s all fake, that in reality, her best friend is dying (literally) to have the brunette back, to hold her again, to be able to walk into the cafeteria and go straight to the taller girl and kiss her, making sure that everyone sees that she’s hers, just like she used to do before. 

And she hates to see her best friend suffer, but Hope knows that the stubborn witch won’t change her mind. So she hates it, she hates every minute of it.

While they make their way to an empty table, she passes by Josie’s one. She locks eyes with the brunette for a second - Josie looks pissed, as always; whenever she looks at Penelope, that’s all Penelope sees in the brunette’s eyes - disdain. And she can’t really blame her, she knows that, because that’s all Penelope’s fault. 

She sends Josie her famous wink and smirks at her like she’s not feeling an enormous amount of pain in her chest right now. Josie only intensifies her glare at her and turns around, giving her attention to her sister. 

* * *

Things get worse when she’s in class and Josie walks in. It’s been a couple of weeks since that night. The brunette doesn’t even spare her a glance, she sits down behind her blonde sister and acts like Penelope isn’t even there.

The well known feeling of petals wanting to be freed hits her hard. Penelope manages to swallow them down, but the coughing that comes next lasts long enough to make Josie look at her. 

She doesn’t really pay attention to, nor really notices, the brunette’s eyes on her. She’s more focused on the blood in her hand. 

She could roll her eyes at how so extremely pathetic this all is. Love isn’t supposed to be like this - so painful, so empty, so lonely. 

She excuses herself from class, not really waiting for her teacher to allow her to leave. She goes straight to her room, locks herself inside and spends the rest of the day throwing up Daisies - Josie’s favorite flowers. Oh, the irony. 

* * *

After that event, she refuses to leave her room unless someone drags her outside. That someone being Hope. 

The tribrid hasn’t left her side since the day she found out about Penelope’s situation. 

Penelope is grateful, but at the same time, she finds it annoying. 

Maybe annoying isn’t the right word, more like, she’s worried. 

Hope has been through the process of losing someone she loves too many times, and Penelope doesn’t want to be added to that list. She doesn’t want her friend to go through the pain of losing her. So she distances herself. 

At least she tries to.

Because as soon as Hope noticed that Penelope was trying to stay away from her, she knew exactly what was going on, and she immediately told her friend to cut it out. 

“You’re my family, and I’m not leaving your side anytime soon. So, shut up.” 

Penelope sighed, knowing there was no way she could change the mind of a Mikaelson - a teenage Mikaelson, which is much worse. 

So Hope continued to take care of her best friend.

It was a routine, really - they would walk to class together, then Penelope would go straight to her room while Hope got them both lunch, then Penelope would skip her classes for the rest of the day while Hope would take precise notes that later on would be studied by Penelope. 

Their nights were always the same too, they would put a movie on, and Hope would bring snacks - Penelope would never eat them, her dry, burning throat wouldn’t allow her to - and whenever Penelope felt the urge to throw up, Hope would pause the movie and wordlessly get out of bed to rub her friend’s back while the flowers danced their way out of Penelope’s mouth, followed by the dark red blood. 

If anyone decided to pay attention, they’d see how much thinner Penelope looks, how she has dark bags under her eyes, how her skin is pale like she hasn’t seen the sun in years.

But not much after Penelope got sick, she realized that they don’t. No one cares enough about her to pay attention. Only Hope. 

She thinks about MG. She thought they were friends, but the boy hasn’t even come look for her, so she guesses she was wrong. Because that’s not what friends do, friends help each other, worry about each other, just like Hope does. Just like _ only _Hope does.

And she knows it shouldn’t, but Josie not noticing anything breaks her heart even more, if that’s even possible. 

Because before all of this - the hateful words, the broken hearts and tearful eyes - when they were still together, and even before that, Josie would look at her and immediately notice if something was wrong. 

But now, now the brunette doesn’t even spare her a glance. Now all Josie does is look at Penelope like she’s the last person she wants to see.

And it breaks Penelope’s heart, because Josie’s the last person she wants to see too… before falling asleep. 

And the first person she wants to see when she wakes up. 

So she would give anything (_anything_) to have her back, to be able to go back in time and do things differently. Not because she’s dying, she doesn’t care that she’s dying, but because she misses Josie. So much. 

But she knows that, even though she hurt Josie, she did everything she did because it would help the girl become a better person - in terms of being her own person. 

So now she has to deal with the consequences. She wanted Josie to hate her, to see her as the enemy, and she succeeded.

* * *

It’s been weeks since Penelope found out that she had a garden full of flowers in her lungs, she’s not attending classes anymore, she just stays locked inside her room all the time. 

The professors must be wondering where she is, but she assumes Hope must be covering up for her, since no one has appeared at her door to look for her, yet. 

And if it weren’t for the annoyingly painful coughing and the river of blood mixed with flowers coming out of her, she would enjoy the peace and quiet of her room.

Hope can’t even mask her face anymore. Whenever Penelope looks at her best friend, she sees worry, sadness, helplessness, all over her face. 

She feels bad for being the reason why Hope laughs less these days. She misses the time when she’d make the tribrid laugh out loud in the middle of classes. 

She misses the time when she’d see Josie and send her a wink, knowing that the brunette would blush, even though she’d always try to make it look like she’s not affected by Penelope anymore. 

Josie - God, she misses her so much. She hasn’t seen her in more than two weeks. 

Hope says that the brunette asks about her sometimes, acting like she doesn’t care - says that it’s because the teachers want to know why she’s not going to her classes anymore. 

Hope doesn’t give her a straight answer, never. 

Penelope never mentions anything, but she can see how Hope’s mood changes whenever Josie is brought up. She’s mad at her. 

But Penelope doesn’t think it’s fear. Because, if anything, Josie’s just living her life. She’s not obligated to love Penelope. And by the way the girl describes her (evil) ex, Penelope thinks that if she were Josie, she wouldn’t love her either.

Hope doesn’t agree. But after so many fights about telling Josie the truth, the tribrid has given up on trying to change Penelope’s mind.

* * *

Hope decides that it’s time for Penelope to get out of her room and live a little (as much as she tries to stop her thoughts from going there, she can’t help but think _ while you still can_). 

It takes a whole lot of begging and fake pouting and annoying Penelope, but eventually, she accepted to take a walk in the garden.

“Are you tired of seeing my own flowers, Mikaelson?” 

Hope laughs, but she can’t help the way her chest tightens. 

It’s past midnight, no one is around. They walk slowly, taking in the cold air, the moonlight, the stars. 

They talk about life, tell stories, laugh at embarrassing moments and enjoy the way their hearts get warmer because of the love they feel for each other. 

If only that love was enough to make everything okay again. 

Penelope only throws up once, and, as always, Hope is there for her. 

Hope suggests they go to the kitchen, bribes Penelope with hot chocolate, and the witch accepts. It’ll be good to feel the burning sensation coming from the drink and not the flowers.

They laugh their way into the kitchen, stopping right before entering, so they could calm down and make silence. 

Hope opens the door and walks inside, Penelope following behind. 

The moonlight shines through the window, making it possible for them to notice that someone else was already there. 

Someone with brown hair, soft chocolate orbs and pouty lips. 

Call her a hopeless romantic, but even as the flowers make it impossible for any form of oxygen to reach her lungs, Penelope still thinks that Josie is the most breathtaking thing she has ever seen.

And even with the annoyingly painful iris petals making their way up her mouth, she still can’t help but softly smile at the girl who has Penelope’s heart in her hands.

But then Josie moves, turns around to look at whoever just entered the room, and Penelope feels her heart sink.

Because right beside the brunette is a boy, not any boy, Rafael Waithe. And he has a cocky smile on his face, a raised eyebrow as he looks at Penelope.

Josie looks surprised, as if Penelope was the last person she’d expected to see. 

Penelope can see Hope looking at her with a worried expression, then the tribrid looks back at Josie with what seems to be anger in her eyes. 

But she’s not really paying attention to anything anymore.

Because right at that moment something in Penelope changes.

Her eyes turn cold, her chest heavier, and she feels something burn inside of her - only, this time, it’s not flowers, it’s anger. 

Anger, because while she’s dying from loving someone too much, that someone is living her life like Penelope doesn’t even exist anymore.

So is it really worth it? Is it worth dying for someone who treats her like she’s already dead?

It hurts, it hurts so much. And she should have gotten used to it by now - after all, she has gardens and more gardens coming out of her everyday - but being reminded once again that Josie doesn'tlove her anymore... _ hurts. _

“I- we were just- we…” She hears Josie stutter, but before the girl can continue, Hope steps closer to her.

“We’re leaving.” And no one would be dumb enough to not notice the irritation behind her voice. 

Penelope can’t focus her gaze on anything, she feels like there’s literal fire turning everything inside of her into ashes. She can taste blood in her mouth, and she has to swallow hard for her to be able to push the petals down. 

She can feel Josie’s eyes on her, but she can’t bring herself to look at her - doesn’t think she’ll be able to hold the blood in her throat from coming out if she looks into the brunette’s eyes.

So she tugs on Hope’s shirt. The tribrid takes her eyes from Josie to look at Penelope with pure protectiveness. 

Penelope doesn’t say anything, she just waits for Hope to understand, and one of the many reasons why she loves her best friend so much is because the tribrid is annoyingly smart.

Hope grabs her arm and drags her out of the kitchen, neither of them turn around to look at the two who stayed behind. 

When they get to Penelope’s room, Hope is not surprised that the first thing that happens is Penelope not even being able to reach her trash can before pouring rivers of flowers all over her floor.

The red blood being an additional detail to the painting. 

They don’t sleep at all that night, and neither of them are surprised by that. 

And Penelope feels so tired, like she has the weight of the world on her eyelids, begging her to close her eyes. But she’s afraid that if she does, she won’t be able to open them again.

So she doesn’t give herself the pleasure of resting, instead, she decides to finally let it all out.

She cries.

For the first time since she got sick, she lets her tears fall freely from her eyes. 

And not for the first time, but definitely the worst one, Penelope feels utterly and thoroughly broken.

* * *

Morning comes, and a knock on the door catches their attention. 

Hope gets up and goes tell whoever it is to just go away.

But when she opens the door she’s more than surprised. MG is there, awkwardly shifting from one foot to another.

“MG?” 

“Is Peez in there?” He tries to look over Hope’s shoulder, but she stops him.

“Did Josie send you?” 

“She did mention what happened last night. But I’m here because I want to know how Peez is doing.”

“Oh, so you care now?” She raises her eyebrow at him.

MG immediately looks down, a guilty look on his face. He tries to explain himself, but before he could, a voice coming from inside the room interrupts them both.

“Let the boy enter, Hope.” Hope rolls her eyes, clearly not a fan of this situation.

MG steps inside, his eyes falling on the weak figure lied down under blankets. His senses immediately recognize the smell of blood, and after staring at Penelope for a few seconds, he notices how she doesn’t look like herself.

“Hey, Peez.” He awkwardly greets her, only receiving a nod in response. 

“I haven’t seen you in a while. I’m sorry I didn’t come by before. It’s just that-” He’s interrupted by Penelope’s need to throw up, and Hope is by her side in less than a second, holding the trash can towards her.

“What the hell is that?!” MG asks, his eyes wide. 

Penelope takes a minute to recompose herself, then she just shrugs and wipes the blood away from her lips with her thumb. 

“Not like you care.” 

“Of course I do, Peez.” He walks closer to her “Look, what you saw last night… it’s been happening for a while now. It’s nothing serious yet, but they’ve been talking. Josie asked me not to say anything to you, and I knew that I wouldn’t be able to not tell you if I saw you - so I just avoided seeing you.” He sighs.

“Great plan.” She rolls her eyes.

“I’m so sorry, really. But please, tell me what’s going on.”

Penelope sighs and Hope immediately rolls her eyes, because she knows Penelope’s already forgiven him. She’s always had a soft spot for the boy.

Penelope proceeds to explain to him what has been going on, not leaving any parts behind. She doesn’t really see a point in trying to hide anything, since he’s already seen her throwing up blood mixed with purple clematis. 

Looking back now, Penelope never thought she’d know so much about flowers, their names, their meaning, everything. But then again, she doesn’t really have a lot of things to do, so she spends her time trying to learn about the disease that is slowly but successfully killing her.

MG doesn’t know how to react, and without really realizing, he lets a tear stream down his face. 

He apologizes again, for the thousandth time, for not being there for her, for being a bad friend and for not being able to do anything to help her. 

He also tries to convince her to talk to Josie, tell her the truth, that there’s more to the story that Penelope doesn’t know. But Penelope can’t really see what there could possibly be that would make her see things differently.

Eventually, he accepted Penelope’s decision and promised not to tell Josie anything. 

He also promised not to leave her side, to always be there for her, to be the best friend anyone could ever be. 

And now the ‘Avengers Squad’ is reunited again.

And they would all be happy, if it weren’t for the fact that one of them is bound to die anytime now. 

* * *

Penelope has a lot of things she could be complaining about, like the fact that she’s dying. 

But she can’t find it in herself to complain about anything when she’s in her room with her two best friends, watching movies and laughing at cheesy rom-coms. In between MG’s bad jokes and Hope’s sarcastic lines, she forgets, for a minute, about everything - the coughing, the flowers, the blood, the broken heart, broken soul, broken life. 

Because right now, Hope and MG are putting everything back together, the broken pieces of the puzzle. And Penelope wishes that they were enough, their love, their laughter, their friendship. 

And while thinking about life, she thinks about the question she asked herself back in the kitchen a few days ago - Is it worth dying for someone who treats her like she’s already dead?

The answer should be no, of course.

But it’s not.

Because, although she loves Hope and MG with her whole heart, they will never compare to Josie - the way her heart skips beats whenever she thinks about the brunette, the way her stomach fills with butterflies and her mind flies miles and miles away. 

Even the flowers aren’t capable of making her hate Josie.

Because here she is, having fun with her friends, laughing and telling stupid jokes, and all she can think about is how she used to do this with _her_.

How the brunette would sneak into her room after curfew and they’d watch Netflix and cuddle up together, stealing kisses and touches. 

How they would get lost into each other’s eyes, drowning in each other’s love.

And how could she not find it worth it? There’s no amount of pain, or petals, or blood, or brokenness that could _ ever _make her think that Josie isn’t worth dying for.

So, as she spends her night with the people she loves, she allows herself to think about the brunette. 

And the flowers come, like a river of death, and she gets weaker, she breaks a little more, she cries a little more. But deep, deep down, she’s happy. Because she got to have Josie in her life, even if it was just for a couple of years, and that was enough to make her believe that love is worth everything.

* * *

it’s been a week since the kitchen incident, and Penelope’s feeling better today. She’s only thrown up once and she’s in a good mood.

Hope’s also smiling more today - seeing Penelope laugh always makes her feel better. 

So they decided to call MG and go take a walk outside - without passing by the kitchen this time. 

Hope tells Penelope to get changed and wait for them in her room while she goes and gets MG.

Penelope was quietly doing what she was told. She got dressed, brushed her teeth and got her hair up in a messy bun. 

When she hears the knock on her door she shouts for Hope to get in. 

“I’m decent.” She chuckles. 

But the person who opens her door is, in fact, not Hope. 

“Hi.” 

And the burning sensation of petals leaving her lungs and making their way up to her mouth takes her by surprise, but she manages to swallow them down.

She gets up off her bed and makes her way to her door, where a nervous Josie Saltzman is awkwardly shifting from one foot to another. 

“Josie.” She whispers. 

“What are you up to?” Penelope couldn’t really ignore the harshness in the brunette’s voice.

“What are you talking about?” For someone who couldn’t care less about her, Penelope thinks that Josie doesn’t have the right to be here accusing her of being up to something.

All she’s done ever since their break up is treat Penelope like she is the worst person to ever walk on earth.

“Don’t do that.” 

“Do what?”

“Pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about.” 

“But I don’t.” 

Josie huffs, rolls her eyes, and Penelope’s pretty sure that, not for the first time, she’s about to be on the receiving end of a Josie Saltzman moral speech, which, not for the first time either, isn’t necessary, because, again, not for the first time, Josie is accusing Penelope of something that she hasn't done.

“I haven’t seen you in weeks, Penelope.” 

“Have you already forgotten about our little meeting in the kitchen?” She crosses her arms over her chest.

Josie looks away, avoiding eye contact, just like she does whenever she’s feeling embarrassed or shy.

“Why are you avoiding me?” 

“You know, for someone who’s been telling me to leave you alone for so long, you’re pretty ungrateful.” Her voice doesn’t come out harsh, after all, she’s not trying to hurt Josie, she’s simply trying to make her leave, because she doesn’t know how much longer she can hold back the petals.

“Stop changing the subject.” 

“I’m not doing anything. And besides, why do you care?” She smirks, trying her best to make it look like nothing’s wrong. 

But Josie doesn’t reply, instead she looks at Penelope’s mouth, more specifically, Penelope’s teeth.

She takes a step closer, eyes focused on Penelope’s lips, “What’s that?”

Penelope looks at her with a confused face, but soon enough realizes that Josie might have seen some blood on her teeth - she did swallow the flowers after they had already made their way to her mouth.

“What’s what?” She closes her mouth, licking her teeth to get rid of the blood.

Josie’s shoulders drop for a second, and her face softens, worry filling her eyes and her famous pout takes place on her lips.

“Are you okay?” 

Penelope thinks about that question, thinks about telling her the truth, remembers all the moments when Hope and MG tried to convince her to tell Josie what’s been going on. 

But she can’t find it in herself to put that on Josie. Because she knows the girl will blame herself, and Penelope doesn’t think her heart can take being the reason why Josie’s breaks a little more - she has broken her enough. 

She has damaged Josie enough, and she refuses to cause her any more pain. 

“I’m great. What about you?” She smiles cockly, raising an eyebrow.

“I’m serious, Penelope.”

“So am I, Jojo.” 

And if Josie had been paying enough attention, she would’ve seen that that was a lie. 

But no, instead, she allows her anger to take over, and allows herself to break Penelope a little bit more.

“Why can’t you have _ one _normal conversation with me?”

“I’m not the one who came here just to pick a fight.”

“I came here because I wanted to know why you’re avoiding me.”

“I don’t get why that makes you so angry, you’ve literally asked me to do that so many times.”

“You’re so infuriating, Penelope!”

“I didn’t do anything, Josie.” 

“Yeah, you didn’t.” she looks deeply into Penelope’s eyes “You just broke my heart, but that’s nothing to you, right?”

Penelope sighs - how did this conversation even get to this point? She doesn’t even remember what she was about to do before Josie got there.

“Don’t say that.” 

“Why not? That’s the truth.” 

“Yeah, sure. You know what? I’m late, I gotta go.” She can’t be there anymore, the pain of having caused Josie so many problems and suffering combined with having Josie right in front of her is making keeping the flowers inside of her an impossible task. 

“That’s it, you’re just gonna leave?” 

“Contrary to popular belief, I do have places to be other than my room, you know?” After spending so much time without getting out of her room, people started talking, but Penelope doesn’t really care. 

She walks out of her room, Josie angrily follows behind.

“_God_, I hate you.” She turns to look at Penelope again. 

“I know, Jojo. It’s not like you ever let me forget.” She walks away then, not even looking back at Josie. She leaves the brunette standing there and walks towards Hope’s room. 

She doesn’t get too far though, as soon as she sees the closest trash can, she pours yellow sunflowers into the container. 

And she doesn’t know what to think, really. Because she already knew she was dying, she just didn’t expect it to be so fast. 

Penelope is proud of being a quick learner, proud of having the capacity to sit in front of a book and read it all at once. 

But she isn’t happy about the fact that she knows what those sunflowers mean. 

It’s an irony - just like the rest of her life, apparently - because sunflowers symbolize adoration, loyalty and longevity, they’re known for being ‘happy’ flowers. 

And oh, how Penelope wants to laugh at the universe right now, to laugh at herself. Because those sunflowers mean the opposite to her.

They mean her time is up. 

And the supposed ‘longevity’ is all a lie, all an excuse to make people believe that one day things will be better.

One day you will find the love of your life, get married, have kids, be happy, grow old, die peacefully. 

Not her.

She did find the love of her life, and now she’s dying because she’s not the love of the love of her life’s life. She’s, actually, the person who the love of her life most despises. 

At least the ‘loyalty’ part is right. Because, call her an idiot, but Penelope wouldn’t mind going through all of this again, if it meant she would get to continue feeling the warmth and happiness and safeness she gets whenever she thinks about Josie.

Because true love doesn’t ask to be loved back, so Penelope doesn’t either. Because Josie Saltzman is her everything, and maybe it’s okay that she’s not Josie Saltzman’s everything.

At least she got to be _ something _to her.

She doesn’t know how she is going to tell Hope about this, doesn’t think she’ll be able to get the words out once she looks into her ocean eyes. 

She doesn’t want to break her heart. Believe it or not, Penelope Park cares.

She cares so much that she’s literally dying. 

But it’s okay. Just because it’s over, it doesn’t mean that it wasn’t special. 

Just because the happy moments are just memories now, it doesn’t mean the bad ones should cloud our judgement.

Josie will finally be able to forget about her completely and just live her life.

She won’t cause any more damage, because she won’t be here anymore.

* * *

A couple of hours, that’s all she has. 

She thinks about what she should do. 

She can’t find the courage to tell Hope what’s happening, but she figures that maybe she could write her a letter. That would be a good idea. She likes writing letters - not everyone likes to read them, though, and that’s why she’ll have to actually talk to Josie.

She makes sure to write a note to MG, and once she’s done she makes her way to the roof. 

She takes with her a polaroid photo of her and Josie. They were on their first date, Josie was all shy and Penelope’s heart was about to burst into flames because she still didn’t know how to process all the affection and love she felt towards the girl - still doesn’t, actually.

She casts a spell to seal the roof, takes a sit on the floor. 

She holds the picture in her hand, rubbing it with her thumb, while she allows her tears to stream freely down her face. Breathing has become even harder and she doesn’t know how she’s managed to stay alive this long, but she has. 

She looks at Josie, her soft brown eyes, her cute, bright smile. She looks so _ happy, _and Penelope can’t help the guilt she feels for being the reason why the brunette smiles less these days, for making Josie look at her with disdain instead of love. 

But now is not the time to feel like that, now is the time to tell Josie the truth, the truth that she’s been keeping hidden in the deepest place in her heart. The truth that has been keeping her awake at night, that would make Penelope do _ anything _for Josie. 

She takes her phone out of her pocket, takes a deep breath in.

Three words. That’s all she has, but they have to be enough. They have to be enough of a goodbye, of an apologie, of a request for forgiveness, of a confession, of everything. She just hopes that Josie will be able to actually _ listen_. 

Listen and find in Penelope’s voice all of the regret, pain, guilt, _ love _that she feels. But if she doesn’t, it’s fine too. Penelope thinks that it’s okay if Josie never forgives her, if she doesn’t care that she’s dead, because as much as she would love if Josie gave her a time of day, she knows that she doesn’t deserve it.

So it’s fine. If these are her last words, the last sentence that the world (her world) will listen to her saying, then it’s fine, because Penelope can’t wait to tell Josie how much she actually means to her.

She closes her eyes, thinks about Hope, the tribrid will be so pissed at her. That makes her smile, even if it’s just a small, weak and broken smile. 

She thinks about MG too, he’s a good guy, one of the very few people Penelope actually likes. She shakes her head, still smiling, thinking about his bad hero jokes. 

Then she finds Josie’s contact, runs a hand through her hair, takes another shaky breath and calls her. 

_ Goodbye world, you suck. _

_“What do you want?”_ It’s harsh, rude, she’s clearly angry; but Penelope thinks it’s the most precious sound. Josie’s voice has always been her favorite sound.

She’s glad she got to listen to it one last time.

She doesn’t say anything at first, she just allows herself to feel every emotion she has been depriving herself of since their break up.

She feels the way her heart skips a beat when she hears Josie's voice, feels the way her body reacts to it - an enormous desire to touch the brunette. She feels herself relax a little, feels happy, even with the knowledge that she’s literally dying right now.

And suddenly she’s not afraid anymore, Josie has that effect on her, she always makes Penelope feel _ safe._

_“Penelope?_” It’s not so harsh anymore, it’s softer, but it creaks a little, almost like she’s worried. 

_“Where are you? Hope just got here and she’s looking for you.”_ Penelope lets out a soft sob mixed with a sigh, and if Josie hadn’t been listening so intently, she wouldn’t have heard it. 

_“Penelope, I’m not kidding, where are you?”_ She can tell that Josie is worried, but she doesn’t care right now. All she cares about right now is that Josie will finally be able to be happy, and that’s all Penelope wants.

“I love you.” And it’s slow, and low, and emotional, and it carries every single feeling she’s ever felt for the taller girl. And it just feels _ so good _to finally put it out there once again, to finally take it off her chest. 

And she feels so light, so relieved, so free. And the wind up there on the roof is calm and cold and relaxing. 

She feels herself leaning forward and she’s suddenly so much more tired, so she just lies down completely. She takes a deep breath, but the air doesn’t reach her lungs quite right. 

But it’s okay, because Josie is there, yeah, Josie’s there with her soft smile and chocolate eyes. So it’s okay. Because if the last thing she sees while she’s still alive is Josie’s smile - then everything is perfect.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is from Josie's POV, but the italic words are Penelope's POV of some memories that are going to be "playing" throughout the chapter  
Also, you could say that this is a filler chapter, but also not a filler chapter because there are some pretty important stuff here - so... yeah  


**Chapter 2 - If I give you enough reasons, will you come back to me?**

“What do you want?” Her voice sounds harsher than usual, but she doesn’t really care, not when the only thing Penelope has been able to do lately is make Josie be even madder at her. 

She just wanted to know why the girl has been avoiding her, and Penelope couldn’t even let them have a normal conversation. So why should Josie give her the satisfaction of talking to her now? 

She doesn’t really have time to think about all the reasons she has to just hang up the phone when Hope comes barging into her room. 

“Where’s Penelope?!” 

And normally Josie would roll her eyes, feel annoyed because all Hope does revolves around Penelope. But no amount of annoyance would be enough to make her miss the worry in the tribrid’s voice. 

Hope looks terrified. 

There’s a paper in her hand, and she’s holding onto it like her life depends on it - Josie doesn’t miss that fact either, and it just worries her even further. 

She tries to ask Penelope where she is, but the girl doesn’t answer, letting the silence consume both of them. 

And when Penelope says those three words, Josie’s world stops. 

She feels her chest tightening and her eyes immediately fill with tears. Because she knows, she doesn’t need to see it, that something is wrong.

Terribly wrong.

And it’s not fair, really. It’s not fair that even after everything Penelope did, Josie still cares so much about her. 

And this moment - oh, she has been dreaming about this moment for so long. Hearing Penelope say those words again is everything she has ever wished for. 

But now, now she wishes she could take it back. Because it’s too late. 

It’s too late, and when she gets to the roof - Penelope is already gone.

⚘ 

_ She must have come out of a fairy tale, that’s the only logical explanation. _

_ With her shining brown eyes that resemble a calm night full of stars, her wavy brunette hair falling around her shoulder and her plump, blushed, pouty lips forming a bright smile on her face. _

_ As a kid, she was never really a fan of those cheesy stories where a kiss from your true love was the only thing capable of waking you up, or where a carriage was turned into a pumpkin at midnight. But as Penelope looked at the angelic girl in front of her, she could think of only one way of describing her - a princess. _

_ “I’m Josie.” The girl introduces herself. Josie - what a beautiful name. Josie's sister introduces herself too, but Penelope doesn't really pay attention. _

_ “Penelope.” She tries not to sound too mesmerized, not that it works. _

_ The girls proceed to tell her about the school, show her where her room is and what she should and should not do. _

_ Penelope tries her best to pay attention, taking in what the brunette and the blonde girl are saying. _

_ But as the sunlight hits Josie's cheeks and makes her eyes look even more breathtaking, Penelope loses the ability of hearing - only being able to admire the girl’s beauty. _

It’s not fair, really. It’s not fair that even after breaking her heart, after being the worst person someone could ever be and doing everything she could to hurt her, Penelope still has the audacity to pop up on Josie’s mind whenever the brunette allows her mind to wander. 

Josie finds it so annoying. Penelope doesn’t have the right to do that anymore - be the center of Josie’s world, steal the brunette’s sleep, be the thing that Josie desires the most. 

So Josie’s angry. She’s angry because she trusted Penelope, she showed her sides of herself that she had never shown to anybody. She loved Penelope with her entire heart. 

But that meant nothing. Because Penelope simply didn’t care.

She didn’t care about any of it - didn’t care about Josie, nor her feelings. 

So Josie’s angry at her. She’s angry at her for being the one who showed to the brunette what pain feels like - what it feels like to have a broken heart. 

Because if it had been any other person, Josie would have been fine. She would have been okay, because she would've had Penelope by her side, helping her and being her anchor. 

But she doesn’t know how she’s supposed to deal with the emptiness she feels in her chest when the only person who is able to fill that hole, is the one who dug it.

* * *

Josie spends most of her time with her sister - which isn’t really a surprise. 

They walk through the hallways of the school, smile on their faces, books in their hands. 

They go to their classes together - courtesy of being twins - get lunch together, share a room, talk about boys - Lizzie does the talking, while Josie does the listening. It’s all great, really.

That is until she sees her. 

Because of course, of course Penelope has to be in every room she walks in. And of course she has to do something to make Josie’s blood boil. 

The brunette can see her talking to Hope - she doesn’t know how Hope can be friends with her, but she figures she can’t judge her, not when she was the one who dated the witch for more than a year. 

They don’t look too happy, but as they pass by Josie’s table, Penelope sends her a wink. 

And Josie can’t help but glare at her. 

She allows her eyes to turn cold, and she looks at Penelope with pure anger. 

She does that a lot. She hides. 

Hides behind cold glares and hateful words. Because that’s her way of reminding herself that the girl who used to love her, doesn’t love her anymore.

But apparently her heart hasn’t understood that.

Because whenever Penelope walks into a room, Josie can’t help but forget, for a second, that they’re not together anymore. 

And when she remembers, it hurts. It hurts too much, so she just wants Penelope to feel that pain too. 

Feel the pain of her heart being ripped apart, shattering like glass. 

She wishes it didn’t have to be this way. 

And that thought is the most frequent one on her mind. 

And she doesn’t know what she’d do if, by any chance, Penelope ever found out about that.

* * *

_ They were just kids who loved spending time together - talking, laughing, watching movies. _

_ Penelope had never realized before how a single person can change someone’s life completely. _

_ But then again, she hadn’t met Josie yet. _

_ Now that she has, she can see how the brunette has changed her life. _

_ So one day, as they are watching a movie, with Josie’s head resting against Penelope’s shoulder, Penelope decides to tell Josie her biggest secret. _

_ She tells her she likes her. _

_ And they were just kids who loved spending time together - laughing, holding hands, hugging. _

_ They go on a date - and Penelope refuses to admit, but she was nervous. _

_ She was fine with it though, because if anyone were ever to get that reaction out of her, then she was happy it was Josie. _

_ They go get some ice cream, then they walk around the park and sit down on the grass to watch the little animals. Josie rests her head against Penelope’s shoulder - just like she always does - and Penelope plays with one of the brunette’s hands. _

_ And when a photographer passes by and asks them if they want a photo, Penelope says yes. _

_ Because she knows she can’t make this moment last forever, but at least she can have a photo, where time’s forever frozen. _

_ When they look at the picture, Josie blushes - her face turning into this cute shape of pink, and Penelope can’t help but kiss the brunette’s cheek. _

_ Because they were just kids who loved spending time together - holding hands, hugging, kissing. _

She didn’t really plan on it, didn’t really want it either, but when Rafael asks her to take a walk in the garden, she doesn’t really have an excuse to say no. 

They talk for a while, he tells some jokes, she laughs a little - and she can’t help but get annoyed at herself for noticing how his jokes don’t even compare to _ hers_. 

She had a nice time though, it’s good to take your mind off things every once in a while. And she really felt better after spending some time with him. 

When they reach her room, he tells her they should do it again some other time. She agrees, and is surprised when she realizes that she really is looking forward to it.

* * *

Josie doesn’t know what to do.

She’s been talking to Rafael, almost everyday, but they’re nothing serious, and she’s not sure if they ever will be. 

He’s a nice guy, but, as much as it annoys her to admit, he’s not _ her_. And Josie doesn’t think she’s ready to move on just yet. 

Which is pathetic. 

Penelope broke her heart, she doesn’t want anything to do with Josie anymore, and yet, here she is, once again, being the one constant thing that Josie can’t stop thinking about.

She likes Rafael, and maybe they could become something in the future, but right now, all she can do is think about the one person who she is supposed to hate. 

And it doesn’t help that she hasn’t seen her in more than two weeks - not that she’s counting. 

Because Penelope is everywhere, she always is. She’s supposed to _ always _be there, within Josie’s sight. 

Because, call her an idiot, but Josie needs to see her, needs to feel her annoying presence, needs to smell her stupidly charming scent. She _ needs _ Penelope to be around. 

And since after what happened in class a couple of weeks ago, Josie’s been worried. 

She knows she’s not supposed to care, not supposed to think about her, not supposed to give her a time of day. But she does. 

And if anything ever happened to Penelope, if she ever left, Josie doesn’t know how she’d be able to live without her. 

Because she hates her, but she cares.

So she doesn’t know what to do. 

And her sister’s annoyingly constant reminders that she needs to forget about ‘Satan’ and just move on are getting even more tiring. 

“Raf is a nice guy, Jo. You should give him a chance.” 

And she’s not sure why she does it, maybe because she wants her sister to stop telling her the same thing all the time, or maybe because she just wants to get this over with, maybe because she saw Hope enter Penelope’s room for the fourth time today, or maybe, just maybe, she’s ready to leave her past in the past. 

* * *

_ Penelope enters her room and immediately smiles when she sees Josie waiting for her on her bed, she’s wearing the adorable grey pajamas she has - her shorts are way too short, but it’s only for Penelope to see. _

_ She changes into more comfortable clothes and practically jumps on top of Josie, wrapping her arms around her and kissing her entire face. _

_ “I missed you.” _

_ Josie laughs, kisses Penelope’s lips and cups her girlfriend’s face “I missed you too, babe.” _

_ They stay like that, cuddled up together - Josie’s head on Penelope’s chest, arms around each other, legs tangled and hands exploring skin. _

_ “Jojo?” Josie only hums in response. _

_ Penelope kisses the brunette’s head, tightens her hold on her and sighs contently before whispering into the night. _

_ “I love you.” _

_ And it’s a secret meant for only them, a secret that Penelope is letting Josie know. _

_ A secret that gives Josie the power to break Penelope’s heart. _

_ But Penelope has always loved taking risks. _

_ And besides, whatever happens, good or bad, it’s worth it. _

_ Josie’s worth it. _

_ “I love you too, Pen.” _

Josie regretted her decision to break curfew and sneak into the kitchen with Rafael as soon as she was hit with the countless memories of Penelope and her doing the same thing. 

The giggles, the shushing, the touches, the heart eyes, the person… Penelope. 

But she regretted it even more when in walked Hope and the person who she wishes she could stop thinking about, even if just for a second. 

And they weren’t even doing anything, Rafael was about to get something from the fridge and Josie was waiting to see what it was. 

But the guilt she felt as soon as she saw Penelope made her stomach stir.

She didn’t understand why Hope was looking at her like that, though - she could feel the anger radiating off the tribrid. 

And she would have been annoyed, because if Penelope can spend so much time with Hope, why can’t she spend time with other people too? But when she saw the look on Penelope’s face, she forgot about everything else. 

Penelope wasn’t looking at her, she kept her gaze on the floor, on the walls, on Hope, Rafael, anything, but not on her. 

Josie didn’t mind though, because she was too busy taking in Penelope’s appearance.

For the first time since their break up, Josie looked at Penelope without trying to hide behind anything. 

She let her eyes show whatever they wanted, and maybe she was afraid of what Penelope could see in them, but she didn’t care. 

Because Penelope looked broken. Her eyes had dark bags under them, she was thinner than Josie had ever seen and she had something red on the corner of her mouth. Something that Josie came to recognize as blood. 

But then Hope was dragging the girl away, leaving Josie behind with Rafael. 

And Josie had to fight the urge to go after them, ask Penelope if she’s okay. 

Because she hates her. She doesn’t need to care about her. 

She _ hates _her. 

Maybe if she tells herself that for long enough, one day it'll become the truth. 

* * *

She tells MG what happened, and the boy can see on her face that she’s worried. 

He doesn’t say anything though, just tells her that he’ll check in on Penelope. She smiles, gratefully, and he gives her a quick hug before walking away.

He doesn’t tell her much on the next day, just says that Penelope’s okay and that she doesn’t really mind that Josie was with the wolf. 

Josie doesn’t know why that bothers her so much, but it does. She doesn’t want Penelope to be okay with her moving on. 

She doesn’t want to accept the fact that Penelope _ has _moved on herself. 

But she figures that it’s better that way. 

She has other things to deal with, anyway. Like Rafael, and the fact that she doesn’t - and never really did - want to have a relationship with him. So it’s only fair if she lets him know that. 

After all, he has made it clear that he does want something more with Josie.

So she talks to him, tells him that he’s a really nice guy, but it’s just not going to work.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. It’s okay.” 

But it’s not. It’s not, because while Penelope has already moved on, Josie’s still stuck in their past, thinking about what they used to have instead of what she could be having.

She spends more time thinking about the girl than doing something that could actually benefit her. And that’s not okay. 

So she decides to let it go. Let it all go.

No more thinking about her previous relationship, or her ex, or how she misses her.

Because that’s all Penelope is - someone from her past. 

And if Josie wants to move on with her life, she has to focus on her future, and what’s to come, not what has already been there, and is already gone. 

* * *

_ “I’m sorry.” _

_ “You’re always sorry, when are you going to stop apologizing and actually do something about it?” _

_ “Lizzie needs me, Penelope.” _

_ “She always does, Josie. When are you going to realize that?” _

_ “She’s my sister, of course I’m always going to help her.” _

_ “What about you?” _

_ “What about me?” _

_ “When are you going to spend time on yourself, huh? Because it’s always Lizzie, Josie. What do _ you _ want? Do you actually think that spending a Saturday afternoon taking care of one of your sister’s problems is the best way of enjoying yourself?” _

_ “I’ll enjoy myself once I know my sister is okay.” _

_ “You know she is! She’s fine, Josie. It’s just some boy problem, like always. Why can’t you spend just one day living by your own wants?” _

_ “Why can’t you, my girlfriend, understand what I need to do? Isn’t that what people who are in relationships together supposed to do?” _

_ “People who are in relationships together listen to each other, but that’s never the case with us.” _

_ “Because you always have to make a big deal out of the same thing.” _

_ “Because it is! You’re spending your entire time taking care of someone else, can you not see the problem there? That’s not how you’re supposed to live.” _

_ “You don’t get to tell me what I’m supposed to do, Penelope. I’m tired of this. Lizzie needs me, and I’m going. I’m sorry that I won't be here with you, but I have to go.” _

MG doesn’t say anything anymore, and since that day, she’s barely seen him. 

It’s been a week since the last time Josie saw Penelope - and Hope, for that matter.

She’s doing fine, focusing on her responsibilities, helping her sister with whatever she needs and spending some quality time in her room, listening to music. 

But something feels wrong, she doesn’t know what, but it does. It’s like something is missing, and Josie scolds herself as soon as she thinks about Penelope. 

But it doesn’t change the fact that she can’t stop her thoughts from drifting to the girl - even after trying so much. 

So she decides to end this once and for all. She decides that it’s time to talk to Penelope. 

And for the first time since their break up, Josie walks towards the all too familiar room and knocks on the door. 

She hears Penelope shouting for Hope to get in.

And she didn't plan on it, but at that moment she gets angry - mainly at herself, for even considering coming back here - but also at Penelope, for still having this pull on her. 

So when she enters the room, she can’t help but let the words fall, like she herself has no control over them. 

Like she’s just a dictionary, and words and more words are being let out, after being kept down for so long. 

And when Penelope walks away from her, hurt evident on her face - even though the girl was trying to hide it - Josie gets a sickening feeling of satisfaction. 

But she also gets madder, because Penelope just had to avoid her once again. 

So she storms towards her room, slams the door shut and lies down on her bed, waiting for the day to be over. 

* * *

Josie doesn’t remember much.

Only remembers running towards the roof with Hope, finding Penelope lied down on the cold floor, eyes closed, face pale, body freezing, completely still. 

Remembers trying to wake her up, shouting at her, crying, shaking her body roughly, begging for her to open her eyes, to tell a stupid joke, to make a snarky comment, to wink at her, to laugh, to do something_ \- anything. _

“Hey, Penelope - Pen, just look at me, okay? Open your eyes. Please - Please, Penelope just - just open your eyes, okay?” 

“You can’t do this to me - you can’t leave me.” 

“Penelope-”

She remembers seeing Hope sobbing beside her, calling Penelope an idiot, demanding for her to wake up, yelling at her for leaving them behind. 

Remembers not being able to stop crying, until it came to a point where she couldn’t feel anything anymore, besides pain - indescribable pain. 

It was like her world had stopped spinning, like something inside of her had died, like her soul had been crushed.

Remembers seeing someone running towards her, hugging her tightly while another person took Penelope’s lifeless body from the floor and carried it away. 

Remembers not seeing anything at all, her vision turning dark, her breathing heavier and her legs giving out on her.

She doesn’t remember much. 

Remembers losing the love of her life, remembers wishing for all of it to be a dream - a nightmare. 

Remembers losing all the interest she had in life. 

After that - nothing.

* * *

_ Penelope never thought she’d ever fear something as much as she fears this. She never thought she’d love someone as much as she loves Josie. _

_ She never thought she’d ever consider doing what she’s thinking of doing. _

_ But when she met Josie, when the girl became something more to Penelope, when Penelope fell in love with her, she wasn’t only accepting to be Josie’s girlfriend, or friend, or best friend. No, she was accepting to be the person who would always, no matter what, be there for her, protect her, take care of her. _

_ So when Penelope sneaked into Alaric’s office - because she had promised Josie that they would sneak out that night and go to the Mystic Grill and she needed to get his car keys - and had to cast a cloaking spell on herself because he came back sooner than expected, she wasn’t expecting to hear what she heard. _

_ At that night, Penelope learned what unconditional love means. _

_ At that night, Penelope learned what broken heart means. _

_ And she never thought she’d ever consider doing what she’s thinking of doing. _

_ But she knows Josie, knows her too well to know that the brunette would never harm her sister - she would never even think about doing anything remotely bad to her. _

_ So how could she ever stand a chance against her twin? _

_ Josie will never fight for herself, Penelope knows that, everyone knows that. _

_ So when Penelope learns about The Merge, she decides to give Josie a reason to fight, she decides to give her an opponent. _

_ She decides to break Josie’s heart - and shatter her own in the process - so she could make the girl start becoming her own person, start fighting for herself. _

_ Penelope learns what truly loving someone means, and she never thought she’d learn that at such a young age. _

_ But now, as she lies down in her bed, Josie’s arm wrapped around her waist and her own holding onto the girl tighter than it ever has, Penelope understands why most people are afraid of falling in love. _

_ And she knows it’s her last time, her last chance to have the girl in her arms - so she holds her tighter that night, afraid that, if she let go for even a second, she’d breakdown. _

“Where am I?” 

“Jo? Thank God.” 

“Lizzie? What happened?” 

For a minute there Josie thought that it had only been a dream, that she was only imagining things, that Penelope was fine. 

But then she looked at her sister’s face, and for the second time in less than two hours, Josie felt her world collapsing, her heart breaking. She felt pain - a kind of pain that she never thought it was possible for anyone to experience. 

“Where’s Penelope?” She sits up straight, and now that she’s looking around the room, she realizes that she’s not in hers. 

She’s in the infirmary. Her sister is now by her side, and aside from the water jar on the nightstand, there’s nothing else in the room.

“Jo-”

“Where is she?!” She gets out of bed, doesn’t wait for Lizzie to say to her what she never wants to hear.

She walks around the infirmary, because Penelope has to be there somewhere. 

After searching through almost every room, she finally finds the one where her heart is - lied down under white blankets, a soft pillow under her head.

Hope’s there too, and so is MG - who, now that she’s thinking about it, is the one who carried Penelope away.

They all look the same - broken. And when they see her entering the room, their faces change - Hope looks at her with anger in her eyes, MG looks at her with pity in his.

But Josie doesn’t really pay attention, instead, she focuses on the fact that Penelope’s chest is not moving - at least, not by itself. There are several machines attached to her - her chest, her hands. 

She still looks pale, and the bags under her eyes are darker. 

“What happened?” She whispers, doesn’t really ask anyone in particular, just waits for whoever wants to answer. 

Hope looks away immediately, focusing her attention on her best friend. 

MG is the one who stands up, tells Josie that they should talk outside, and puts a hand on her shoulder while they walk out of the room. 

He tells her everything Penelope told him back in her room a week ago. 

He tells her about the petals, the blood, Hope, how Penelope didn’t want her to know.

He tells her how Penelope never stopped loving her.

That in fact, she loved her so much, that it was literally killing her.

He also tells her that they’ve tried all kinds of spells, vampire blood, everything. They don’t know what to do anymore.

And Josie doesn’t know how to react, doesn’t know what to do, or think, or say. Because during all this time, she thought that Penelope wanted nothing to do with her, she thought that Penelope had already moved on. 

But in reality, she was suffering - because of her. Josie thought that Penelope didn’t care, but she was the one who cared the most. 

And instead of telling her, Penelope kept it all to herself, she kept hurting alone, because she didn’t want to burden Josie.

So Josie doesn’t know what to do, because she has never hated herself so much. But she’s also mad at Penelope, because if the girl had just said something - anything - none of this would have happened. 

So she storms back into the room, tells Hope that she wants a moment alone with Penelope - even if the witch can’t hear her. 

And maybe she's angry, but she has the right to be. Because this concerned her too, and Penelope took away her right to have a say.

* * *

_ Penelope walks inside her room to see the same thing she sees every night - Josie sat down on her bed, in her cute pajamas and a bright smile on her face. _

_ She wishes she could freeze time, be stuck in this moment forever, where Josie’s happy, she’s happy, they’re happy. _

_ She wishes she could make this stupid Merge thing go away. She wishes she could have Josie forever. _

_ But she knows she can’t. _

_ And as she walks inside, she has to fight the urge to smile at Josie, hug the girl and give her a soft kiss. She also has to fight the urge to cry, to breakdown right there, and let herself find comfort in Josie’s arms. _

Josie paces around the room, her eyes never leaving Penelope. She runs her hand through her hair for the tenth time before stepping closer to the girl.

“You’re an idiot.” She whispers, tears threatening to break free.

“You’re such an idiot.” Her voice gets louder, and she begins waving her hands around.

“You think you can just hide something that huge from me?” 

And she knows she shouldn’t be hoping against the odds, but all she wants is for Penelope to make a joke out of the situation - because Penelope would have to be awake to do that.

“_God_, I hate you.”

_ “Babe, what’s wrong?” Penelope wants to scream at Josie for making this whole thing so hard, for knowing Penelope too well, for noticing when something's about to happen. _

_ “We need to talk, Jo.” And Josie’s face falls immediately, because Penelope’s voice is different, it’s a tone she has never used before. And if Josie had to guess, she’d say that’s not a good thing. _

“I hate you so much, Penelope!” She yells, not being able to maintain her composure. Her heart aching with each word she says.

“I hate you, I hate you.” She continues to whisper, over and over again, her tears falling freely from her eyes. 

_ “What are you saying?” Josie’s eyes fill with tears, her brain automatically making her step closer, reaching for Penelope’s hand. _

_ And it takes everything in Penelope to pull her hand away, it takes everything in her not to cry along with Josie, it takes everything in her not to pull the brunette into her embrace as soon as she sees the tears streaming down Josie’s face. _

_ “I’m sorry.” _

_ “No.” Josie shakes her head, swallowing down a sob, “You don’t get to do this.” She steps even closer, and Penelope can physically feel her heart breaking even more as soon as she steps back. _

_ “Please don’t do this.” Josie whispers, begging with her eyes, which are looking deeply into Penelope’s, “Please, let’s just - just talk, okay?” _

“I regret so much ever meeting you.” Josie is full on sobbing now, not caring about who might hear her.

“I regret ever listening to you.” She takes one more step towards the bed and now she’s within arm’s reach of Penelope. 

"I hate you because you just _ had _ to make me fall in you love with you - you just _had_ to make me love you and I can’t do _ anything _about it.” 

She weakly hits Penelope’s shoulder. 

“You had to show me what love felt like, you had to make me want you, make me think about you all the time. And now- now-” 

She’s interrupted by her sobs, not allowing her to speak.

_ “I don't understand... is this about Lizzie? Pen, please, I can do better, okay?" She nods her head, as if trying to convince Penelope that she was telling the truth. _

_ And all Penelope wants to do is close the space between them and hug her, tell her that she did nothing wrong, tell her that she loves her more than she'll ever know, tell her that this is for her own good. _

_ “Please, just - please, don’t do this. I love you- I love you, Pen. Please don't do this.” _

“And now you’re gone.” She hits her again, “You’re gone and I still love you. And what am I supposed to do about that, huh?” 

“I love you, okay? I- I love you so much and you can’t leave me - please.” 

She buries her face in her hands, allowing her sobs to take over.

_ “Don’t leave me, please.” _

“I’m so so sorry.”

_"Please."_

"Please."

And Josie immediately backs away when Penelope abruptly sits up, leaning over the edge of the bed so she can allow the flowers to make their way out of her mouth.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ..........😶  
It's been months (it's a new year ffs) and I'm sorry it took me so long to update guys, really, BUT here I am with the last chapter so.. yay? 😅
> 
> (Btw, big thank you to liz (I was the anon) and ace on Twitter who helped me with one of the scenes of this chapter 😊)
> 
> Oh! And before you guys read I just wanted to make it clear that I know I didn't focus much on Josie and Lizzie's relationship, but that's because I wanted to focus more on Pen and Josie, and this chapter is no different, I focused on Josie and Penelope's relationship and how they revolved around the problem at hand - and I know Josie and Lizzie talking would be pretty important mainly in this chapter but, again, I focused on Posie, and it's not that it didn't happen, they did talk, just imagine it as it happening behind the cameras, and also it's written from Penelope's pov so...
> 
> Anyway, here we go

**Chapter 3 - And the stars envy the flames of our love **

_ “Dance with me.” _

_ Penelope can see surprise in brown eyes as they look up to meet green ones, and Josie smiles shyly before letting out a chuckle. “But there’s no music.” _

_ “Well,” she takes Josie’s hand then, pulling her up from the blanket she was sat on, and Josie’s body presses against hers, “I’ve always liked the sound of the night.” _

_ With her smirk in place, Penelope intertwines their fingers, her free hand going to rest on Josie’s waist while Josie’s rests on Penelope’s shoulder. And when Penelope starts moving, Josie giggles, childishly smiling as her cheeks gain more color, and Penelope can’t help the fluttering feeling she feels in her stomach. _

_ They dance in silence, skin heating up skin as the cold breeze coolers the night. Their bodies moving in sync - left, right. And as the low sounds coming from the forest get to their ears and the stars shine in the darkness of the sky, Josie moves her arms to loosely wrap around Penelope’s neck, resting her forehead against Penelope’s, making Penelope place her other hand on the other side of Josie’s waist. _

_ It feels warm, comfortable, safe. So much so that Penelope lets out a content sigh and pulls Josie closer. They continue their slow movements - left, right - enjoying the moment as Penelope forgets about the rest of the world - she doesn’t think anything else matters, anyway. _

_ In that moment, three little words threaten to escape her, and Penelope would have said them - it wasn’t that she was scared, or afraid Josie didn’t return the feeling with the same depth, no, Penelope simply believed that not all memories should be made with words, not all moments should be memorable because of what it was said. She believed that, sometimes, the silence speaks louder and clearer than any word could attempt to. _

_ So instead, Penelope pulls away, a millimeter of a fraction, just enough to look into Josie’s hypnotizing brown eyes, and she’s not really surprised when her body misses the few skin on skin contact that it lost. They stop their rhythmic swaying then, and Josie’s eyes look at her with pure adoration, and Penelope falls a little bit more for her right then. _

_ Then their mouths are touching, Penelope gently presses her lips on Josie’s before she slowly starts moving them, and Josie kisses her back, and it’s perfect - Penelope thinks - perfect how they just seem to fit together. _

_ Perfect how Penelope’s heart seems to do somersaults as Josie’s hands find the back of Penelope’s neck. _

_ Perfect how the cold air and the heat Penelope feels from Josie’s body are a perfect balance. _

_ Perfect how the simplicity of the Old Mill makes this moment more cliche, but also more romantic. _

_ Perfect, in a way Penelope doesn’t think words could describe. _

* * *

When she opens her eyes, Penelope feels like the weight of the world is pressing against her chest, her throat burns as if flames had made a home inside of her, and it hurts - so much. 

It’s dark, that’s the first thing she registers, it’s dark and she can barely see a thing. The next thing she registers is that she’s not on the roof anymore, that makes her feel some sort of relief, although she has no idea how she got here.

And if it weren’t for the pain she’s feeling, she’d think she was dead. 

But death shouldn’t hurt, at least not after you’ve already been through the process of dying.

Her hand goes up to touch her throat, and just then Penelope notices that there are machines attached to both her hands and chest, so she carefully and slowly takes them off. 

And god, she’d kill for a glass of water right now. 

She turns her head to look at the nightstand that is by the bed she’s in, and the faint light coming from the hall outside makes it possible for her to see that there’s someone else in the room. 

And maybe she’s just seeing things, maybe her mind’s making things up just so she can find some kind of comfort right now, but the head resting on the edge of her bed looks a lot like Josie’s. 

Everything seems to come back to her then - passing out on the roof, hearing Josie's voice echoing far away, waking up not knowing where she was and throwing up for what seemed to be an eternity, her insides burning as petals and more petals were being let out, her lungs contracting as if they were being squeezed by the garden of flowers in her. 

Each petal was telling a story, from the first moment Penelope started throwing up to the last one - white tulips, red roses, daisies, irises, purple clematis, yellow sunflowers. 

But then Penelope felt light, relieved, felt like she could breathe again after months of deprivation, her insides were filled with air and she could finally take a deep breath.

That’s the last thing she remembers before passing out again and waking up here. 

A small smile makes its way to her face, and the thought of Josie staying the night to make sure she was okay makes Penelope feel a small seed of hope growing in her chest. 

She knows she shouldn’t feel like this, but Josie’s always made her go against her better judgements. 

Slowly she raises her hand to caress Josie’s hair, and although it still hurts to move, the softness she feels as she traces her fingers over brown locks makes every painful movement worth it. 

Josie stirs in her sleep, mumbling some incomprehensible words and Penelope’s heart skips a beat or two.

“Jojo.”

Her voice sounds raspy and tired, and Penelope didn’t want to wake the brunette up, but she really needs some water.

Josie’s head shoots up quickly, and confused, worried brown eyes look into green ones for a few silent seconds before Josie’s on her feet, her hand hesitates before cupping Penelope’s cheek delicately as if she was afraid it would break.

“You’re awake!” relief is dripping from her voice, her eyes shine with a glint of _ something _that Penelope can’t quite identify but is still somewhat familiar with.

And as much as Penelope wants to just stay like this forever - green looking into brown and a soft hand holding her face - her burning throat makes her turn her head in the direction of the nightstand, and Josie's quick to understand what she wanted by that.

As the water reaches every dry place in Penelope's body, making her feel more alive and refreshed than she's felt in a long time, Josie pulls Penelope’s blanket up to Penelope’s chest, tucking her in. 

When Penelope falls asleep again a couple of moments later, it’s to Josie’s small, soft smile and a hand caressing her head. 

* * *

She didn’t know exactly what she was expecting, but being woken up by a door being slammed open was definitely not it. 

A tiny, angry Hope stands by the door, and Penelope barely has time to open her eyes completely before Hope’s ranting about how stupid she is and “How could you leave me a _ stupid _ letter instead of actually talking to me?!” 

Penelope, as selfish as it sounds - or maybe as selfless as someone might see it as - didn’t think she’d be able to say goodbye to Hope while looking into her blue eyes, but she also thought it’d be better if Hope didn’t have to see her dying, at least when the tribrid found out, Penelope would already be gone - no emotional talk needed.

Now she realizes that maybe that wasn’t her best idea.

After letting her best friend yell at her for a few more moments, Penelope simply opens her arms - and yes, moving still caused her some pain, and no, she isn't a hugger (except for when it comes to a certain brunette), but if there were ever a right moment to hug someone, then it was now - and Hope comes crashing into her arms after rolling her eyes and mumbling some words that Penelope, although didn’t understand, was sure weren’t the most sweet ones.

“I’m sorry.” 

Hope sighs into her shoulder, before pulling away and smiling, “I know.” she punches Penelope’s arm then, “Don’t do it again.” 

“Ow!” 

And yes, Hope was a pain in the ass, but she was like a sister Penelope never knew she needed, not that she’d ever admit it out loud, and they may exchange bitchy banter all the time and annoy each other beyond humanly (and supernaturally) possible, but they’re always there whenever it's necessary.

And Penelope wouldn’t have it any other way. 

Besides, she doesn’t think she’d still be alive right now if Hope hadn’t been there for her during the entire time she was sick.

“How are you feeling?” 

“Thirsty.”

Hope chuckles then and gets Penelope some water. They proceed to talk then, Penelope tells the tribrid about how she doesn’t feel like there are flowers in her lungs anymore, because for the first time since that night in her bathroom when the first white tulip petal came out, Penelope can finally breathe without having to hold back a cough. 

Neither of them know how she went from nearly dying on the roof to being flower-free in a matter of hours - the only solutions to Penelope’s problem would be erasing Josie from her memories or talking to Josie about it and hope that the brunette would start loving her again, which were never really options Penelope was willing to choose.

But it’s not like they’re complaining. 

After a while they start talking about mundane things, and maybe Penelope’s current situation made her temporarily lose her ability to mask her face or maybe Hope just knows her well enough to be able to read her expressions, either way, Hope knows exactly what’s on Penelope’s mind.

“Lizzie dragged her out of here earlier this morning, but she stayed the night to make sure you were okay.” 

“Yeah, I know.” 

The smile that crosses her face at the mere mention of Josie makes Penelope realize once again just how bad she has it for the brunette - but after almost dying from loving her too much, it’s not like she's surprised. 

“So, are we going to talk about what you told me in that letter?”

"Yeah, just... not now." 

"Pen, what's-"

“‘You’re in charge’? Seriously, Peez?!” 

And just like that whatever Hope was about to say was interrupted by a rather agitated MG who all but bursted into the room. 

“You’re about to die and you leave me a note saying _ that_?” 

Penelope simply shrugs, a smile making its way to her face as she looks at the vampire, “I mean, you _ are _our Spider-Man.” 

MG, against his obvious attempt to stay mad, sighs and smiles at that, walking closer to the bed, “How are you?” 

“I’m good, Milton.” 

And once again, in that moment, she realizes just how grateful she is for her best friends, how their presence, smiles, laughter and stupid jokes make her feel better, happy - realizes how, although her love for Josie will always be special, her love for them and their love for her will always be something that makes her feel complete in a way she never thought she'd get to experience.

And Penelope's pretty sure blood isn't the only thing capable of bonding a family.

* * *

Penelope didn’t plan on creating expectations, and she knows that just because Josie was there by her side when she woke up at night it doesn’t mean the brunette wants something to do with her. 

If anything, Josie was there because that’s who Josie is - she cares about _ people_, and Penelope was simply that, a person; no one special, not anymore.

So the disappointment she feels right now is completely her fault, for letting hope bloom in her chest - as if having flowers in her lungs for months wasn’t enough. 

Hope and MG have been taking turns on talking with her, this way she’s never alone in the infirmary room, but as much as she loves them both, the one person who she actually wants to see hasn’t been anywhere in sight.

She tries to distract herself, because if Josie doesn’t want to see her, then Penelope might as well get used to this other kind of pain in her chest - it doesn’t hurt as much as the petals did, but it makes her want to cry all the same.

And it may sound selfish, but she doesn’t think it’s fair. It’s not fair that even after finding out about Penelope’s condition and nearly watching her die, Josie still hasn’t come by to see her - not when she's actually awake, at least.

So it hurts, a different kind of pain, but it still hurts.

Emma lets her go back to her own room once dusk comes. Hope walks with her and helps her get settled in. The tribrid asks if Penelope wants her to stay the night, but all Penelope wants is to stay alone for awhile, and Hope understands - she always does.

After taking a long, hot shower and getting ready for bed, Penelope hears a soft, almost hesitant knock at the door. 

She was ready to tell MG for the hundredth time that day that she was just fine, but as she opened the door, all the words seemed to get stuck in her throat - and Penelope was really tired of losing her breath. 

“Jo-”

Josie walks past her, entering the room without even looking her way. When Penelope closes the door and turns around again, the brunette is already talking.

“You almost died.” her voice sounds somewhat confused, as if her brain was still processing the situation, and Penelope can see shining brown eyes behind unleashed tears. 

“I-”

“You're _ such _ an idiot." her gaze finds Penelope’s eyes, and her stare is so intense that Penelope wants to look away. “You kept this _ huge _ secret from me, and then you almost _ died_, Penelope.” 

"Josie, I-"

“I almost _ lost _ you and I didn’t even know." Josie walks closer to her, "You almost died because of-” her voice drops to a whisper then, “because of me.” 

Penelope feels her heart protesting against the sight in front of her - tears slowly streaming down Josie’s face, brown eyes screaming with hurt and regret and _ god_, she wishes she could take all of Josie’s pain away. 

“Oh Jojo,” she steps forward, closing the distance between them and her hand goes up to gently cup Josie’s cheek, “it wasn’t your fault.” she smiles, a sad, reassuring smile. But Josie shakes her head, pulling away from her. 

“No, no. You didn’t tell me, you didn’t tell me _ anything_. How could you not tell me, Penelope? I thought you didn’t care about me, you broke up with me, you did _ everything _ you did, and then- then you almost _ die _because you love me? This concerned me too, you should have told me! Why would you even- why-”

“Josie,” she sighs, “listen to me, okay? I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to make you feel like you had an obligation to love me.” Josie’s pout - the one Penelope absolutely adores - deepens, and her eyes fill with more tears, so Penelope steps closer to her again, reaching for her hand. “My feelings for you- they’ve never changed, but I know yours have, and that’s okay.” a tear escapes her own eyes, and only then Penelope notices that she’s crying too.

“I almost lost you.” a defeated whisper.

“But you didn't, and you're not going to.” her thumb caresses the back of Josie’s hand, and the brunette instinctively steps forward. 

“I hate you.” but the words don’t hold any real malice.

“I know.” Josie slightly rolls her eyes at the small smirk on Penelope’s face, and Penelope chuckles, raising her hand to wipe Josie’s tears away.

“You’re an idiot.” 

“I know.” and she takes it as a win when she sees a hint of a smile on Josie’s face.

Brown meets green again, and Penelope knows she’s staring at Josie like the brunette’s hanging the most shining stars up in the darkest of the skys, but she doesn’t care. 

She’s not going to try to hide her feelings anymore. Josie may not feel the same, but Penelope loves her with every cell in her body. 

But this is Josie Saltzman - beautiful, incredible, unpredictable - and apparently she never ceases to surprise Penelope.

So when Penelope feels soft lips pressing against her own, she feels as though her breath has been taken away from her once again. 

Josie kisses her passionately, kisses her without holding back, her lips moving with Penelope’s as if they were dancing, with well-known steps and synchronization.

Josie kisses her and Penelope feels her chest burn, feels her lungs screaming for air, feels her heart skip beats and her stomach fill with butterflies. 

Feels as though all those weeks of throwing up petals had been nothing more than a bridge to this moment. 

And Penelope would do it all over again just so she could be here, in her room, kissing Josie as if tomorrow would never come so they might as well die intoxicated by the other’s touch. 

When Josie pulls away, resting her forehead against Penelope’s, Penelope wants to pull her back in, feel the searing passion of Josie's lips, but three little words are whispered into the night, and they ring loudly in Penelope’s head. 

“I love you.” 

And well, she _ didn’t _know that; in fact, she was pretty sure Josie had stopped loving her a long time ago - the countless petals she’s thrown up might have made her a little biased. 

Josie’s eyes are still closed, so she can’t see Penelope’s wide open ones, “Wait, what?" she pulls away then, just enough to see Josie better.

The whole reason why Penelope got sick in the first place was because of her unrequited love, so she doesn't think this makes sense.

"You don't have to say that just because of what-” 

“No.” hesitant but somehow still confident chocolate eyes stare into confused forest ones then, “I love you, Penelope. I really do. I don’t think I've ever stopped, I just... tried really hard to.” 

And Josie’s looking at her with so much sincerity that Penelope can’t help but look back at her with pure astonishment.

She lightly traces her finger over Josie’s cheek, over her perfectly sculpted features - in Penelope's simple opinion - and smiles, a soft, happy, toothy smile, receiving a shy one in return, she moves forward then and closes the small, barely-there distance between them and gently kisses Josie again, a small, quick kiss. 

Her heart's beating surprisingly fast right now.

But all her mind can focus on at this moment is on the “I love you, too.” that she says in response.

Surprisingly enough, Josie rolls her eyes, “I mean, you almost died because you love me so it’s not like I didn’t know that.” 

And she knows it was meant to be a joke, but she also knows Josie, knows the brunette will feel guilty about this for longer than Penelope can imagine. 

“Hey, I already told you, it wasn’t your fault.” her hand goes up to caress Josie's cheek again, and she smiles when Josie instinctively leans into her touch.

“I just... I thought you had died, Pen. I called your name but you didn’t answer me and I didn’t know what to do because I- I don’t know what I’d do if you ever-” 

The sadness on Josie’s eyes and the audible fear in her voice make realization hit Penelope in such a way that her heartbeats fasten once again.

Josie _ loves _her. 

And yes, the brunette has already said it, and it’s not that Penelope didn’t believe her, but seeing Josie now, sounding like she wants Penelope to never leave her side and her eyes shining with honesty, it makes it all too real. 

It makes her deepest desire come to life just like a dream coming true - which, in reality, is exactly what this is. 

“Hey, hey,” she takes Josie’s both hands in her own, “I’m here. I’m okay. I’m sorry I made you go through all that, I really am. I never meant to hurt you.” 

When Josie’s arms wrap around her neck, Penelope lets herself enjoy the warmth of Josie’s body pressed against hers, and she feels safe, feels happy, feels light, Penelope feels as though finally (_finally_) she’s home. 

"You're never allowed to scare me like that again." 

And Penelope smiles, because she loves her, and Josie loves her back.

_ God_, Josie loves her.

Josie _ really _ loves her. 

Josette Saltzman freaking loves her. 

Penelope doesn’t think she’ll ever not smile at that.

* * *

When Penelope wakes up, she has to rub her eyes to make sure the situation she’s in isn’t a dream. 

There’s an arm possessively wrapped around her waist, messy brown hair all over her chest and a warmth coming from her left side that makes her want to stay like this for the rest of the day. 

She looks down at Josie’s sleeping figure, a subconscious smile makes its way to her lips as she sighs contently, reminiscing about falling asleep to a whispered ‘I love you’, and gets lost watching the brunette's peaceful expression. 

But, as much as she wants it to, Penelope knows this won’t last for much longer. 

They didn’t talk much before falling asleep, or at all. Josie and her just laid down in a slightly awkward but still comfortable silence, both lost in their own thoughts but still enjoying the simple intimacy of being together again after _ so _many nights sleeping apart.

It felt like returning a missing piece of a puzzle to its place. 

And Penelope should be happy, she _ is _, but she knows they need to talk, knows there are things Josie needs to know that might break once again their… whatever they are. 

And maybe it hasn’t been her main priority for a while, after all she had some rather demanding health problems she needed to take care of, but not for a second she’s forgotten about the reason why she chose to break apart her relationship with Josie - and both their hearts in the process.

Although she didn’t get much sleep when she was sick, the nights when she did get some were filled with dreams - nightmares - of what Penelope’s most terrified of. 

And even after all this time, her chest still tightens with fear at the mere thought of Josie’s death ever coming true. 

“You’re still a creep.” 

Josie’s raspy morning voice brings her out of her thoughts, and she sees a small smile on the brunette’s face as brown eyes look into green ones with amusement. 

“And you still snore.” 

“No, I don’t.” Josie groans then, burying her face deeper into the crook of Penelope’s neck, and Penelope feels a feather-like kiss being placed on her skin. She smiles, prompting Josie to look at her by gently using her finger to tilt Josie’s chin up. 

“Good morning.” and she doesn’t think she’ll ever get tired of seeing Josie’s smile.

“Good morning.” 

They stare into each other’s eyes, and Penelope really hates the fact that she can’t look at Josie without feeling guilty. 

She doesn’t know why she’s feeling like this all of a sudden, she’s been keeping The Merge a secret from the brunette since before their breakup, but now the weight of it seems a lot heavier. 

Maybe it’s because of last night - Josie confessing her feelings, Penelope finally getting to be in Josie’s arms once again, being engulfed by this sense of familiarity. 

It all feels much more difficult to hide. 

And she knows it’s not fair, even if she does want to protect Josie from every little bad thing, she knows that the brunette deserves to know.

“What is it?” 

Looks like even after all this time Josie still can tell when something’s wrong, after all.

And as much as she wants to hold onto this moment and enjoy the brunette while she can, she knows Josie's been kept in the dark for far too long.

So she tightens her hold on her before speaking, “There’s something you need to know. It’s about this… thing called ‘The Merge’, but it’s not exactly my place to tell you.” she cups Josie’s cheek then, “You should talk to your dad, Jojo.” 

When Josie’s faint smile drops, Penelope’s suddenly reminded of the night of their breakup, when she used this same tone of voice, and she hates how Josie’s reactions are so similar - so painful to watch.

She also hates how she’s managed, once again, to be the cause of Josie’s upsetment, but she knows this was the right thing to do. 

Her body immediately misses Josie’s warmth when a confused Josie reluctantly disentangles herself from Penelope. Josie tries to ask her more about it, but Penelope simply says that it’s better if Alaric is the one to explain her everything. 

As she watches the brunette walk out of her room, she can't help the feeling of dread that takes over her chest.

* * *

She doesn’t hear from Josie for a few hours, and although the thought of going to the brunette’s room crosses her mind several times, she decides to give Josie time and let her choose when she wants to see Penelope again.

So instead, she goes to Hope’s room. 

Her best friend opens the door as soon as Penelope knocks, and she enters the familiar space before sitting down on the bed. 

Hope asks what does she want, and Penelope doesn’t really see a point in not going straight to the matter. So she tells Hope about the curse she wrote about in the letter she left her. 

Explains to her what The Merge really is and why she asked her to talk to Josie about it when she thought she wouldn’t have enough time to do it herself. 

The tribrid’s reaction is surprisingly calm, maybe it’s because Hope’s been through several situations like this before, where the ones she cares about are in danger, and she knows how to keep a cool head. Or maybe she just hasn’t processed the entire thing completely yet.

Either way, Penelope feels much better after Hope reassures her that they’ll find a way to make everything okay in the end.

And she knows simple words can’t change anything, but Hope’s there by her side, just like she was when Penelope was sick, and having her there makes a sense of tranquility settle in Penelope’s chest, makes a seed of hope grow in her heart.

She hasn’t found anything useful yet in all the time she’s been researching, and she knows no one else has either, but knowing there are people with her that are willing to do anything to help Josie makes her feel somewhat better, makes her fears feel lighter - even if it's only a little.

* * *

When she gets back to her room a couple of hours later, she’s surprised to see Josie sat down on her bed, her brown eyes looking bloodshot and her pout in place. 

She goes to sit by her side, and her heart contracts as Josie falls into her arms, her face buried in Penelope’s neck. As silent tears wet Penelope’s shirt, she rubs her hand soothingly up and down Josie’s back, hugging her tightly. 

She’s always dreaded seeing the brunette’s reaction to finding out about the curse, and all she wishes right now is that she could offer Josie _ something _to make her believe that it’s going to be okay.

The lack of success on finding even the smallest possibility to stop The Merge makes anger fill the space in her chest where usually there’s powerlessness, so she tightens her hold on Josie - as if doing so would make it all go away. 

“How long?” and it’s a soft whisper that rings loudly in her head. 

Penelope’s always known there would come a day when she’d have to explain to Josie why she did everything she did, and if she was being completely honest she's never had much faith that the brunette would forgive her; she stills fears it, the look of betrayal on Josie’s face.

But now the moment is here.

And as much as she wishes she had more time to prepare the right words to say, she knows Josie deserves to know, so she pulls away slightly, making sure brown eyes are focused on her as she speaks. 

She tells Josie everything, from the night she heard Alaric on the phone to the moment she decided to break up with her to the first tulip petal she threw up in her bathroom. 

Tells her that all she did she did because she loves her - never stopped, and doesn’t think she’s physically capable of ever doing it. 

And that now she realizes that the way she went with things wasn’t the ideal one, and that she’s sorry for ever hurting her, because that was never her intention. 

She tells Josie that she loves her more than she’ll ever know, and not even throwing up flowers was capable of changing that, instead it made her love for her get even stronger, made her realize that she doesn’t mind the consequences of loving her, because love’s worth everything when it comes to the brunette. 

She promises her that she’ll never leave her again, and that it doesn’t matter what happens, if Josie wants her or not, if Josie forgives her for keeping a secret or not, she’ll always make sure to show the brunette how special she is. 

Promises they’re in this together, and if there’s even the slightest possibility of a future out there, of a way to stop this nonsense that is The Merge, then they’ll go until the deepest ends of the world to find it. 

Because when Josie’s by her side, the world isn’t as terrifying as it seems to be. 

And Josie cries, and she cries, and green eyes look into brown ones so intently as if they are trying to take all of Josie’s pain away. 

And when Josie calls her an idiot for the second day in a row, Penelope agrees with her, wiping the brunette’s tears away while her own still remain on her cheeks. 

But then Josie takes her hand, looks into her eyes and Penelope expects the worst, expects the “I can’t be with someone who’d lie to me like that.”, but what she gets is a small, broken smile that doesn’t reach Josie’s eyes - and it hurts too much to see Josie like this.

“No more secrets.” 

“I promise.” 

Then Josie’s falling into her arms again, so Penelope lies down, pulling the brunette with her. They stay in a comfortable silence, both too lost in their own thoughts once again. 

A beat passes, maybe two, and then Penelope hears it - a vulnerable whisper, “I’m scared.” 

And _ god_, she didn’t think her heart had any more pieces to break, but as she tightens her embrace on Josie, Penelope feels as if someone’s hammering her heart and it’s shattering like glass. 

* * *

They fall into a routine after that day, they sleep in Penelope’s room - at first Josie spent some nights sleeping in her own room with Lizzie, but since her twin had been getting closer to Hope and now had another reliable person to spend time with, she didn’t see a problem in going back to sleeping in Penelope's arms - grab breakfast together, go to classes and during their free time they go to the library to do researches. 

And whenever Penelope notices that Josie’s way too lost in her own head, she takes the brunette’s attention away from the books by coming up with some excuse - that most of the time has something to do with ice cream. 

When Penelope found out about The Merge and decided to break up with Josie she was trying to give Josie an opponent, give the brunette someone to fight and stand up to, she was becoming the villian of Josie’s story so Josie could step up as her own hero. 

But now she realizes that what Josie needs isn’t someone to go up against, but someone to fight by her side, someone who Josie doesn't need to fear ever losing.

She knows Josie needs to learn how to be more independent, and they’ve been working on it - together. 

After understanding why Penelope did everything she did, Josie became more willing to listen to her, and Penelope can see the difference from miles away.

It won’t be easy, she knows that, codependency isn’t something you can simply get rid of, no, it’s something you have to work on, step by step until you find a balance.

That’s all it is about, isn't it? Finding a balance. 

And call her a hopeless romantic, but Penelope’s pretty sure Josie and her balance each other in a way no one else would be able to.

She understands now, after almost dying and having gone through everything she’s been through, that it doesn’t matter how much you love or care about someone, you can’t make decisions for them. 

What you _ can _do is try to get them to listen to you by showing them that maybe opening up and letting your guards down is okay. 

Showing them that maybe taking care of yourself isn’t selfish, and that putting your own needs above others every once in a while is rather healthy than self-centred.

Penelope’s going to be there every step of the way - that’s a promise she made not only to Josie but also to herself. 

And the world may decide to be cruel, letting happy endings only exist in fairy tales, but maybe fate will decide to play its game, maybe the world will decide to be kind to them, maybe fairy tales won’t even compare to how epic their love story will be, Penelope doesn’t know yet, but one thing she’s sure of is: it’ll be worth it, all of it. 

It already is. 

Josie’s worth everything. 

And Penelope can’t imagine a life without her, doesn’t think she’d be able to handle the pain of losing her in a few years. 

So she'll make sure that she doesn’t. 

Every time she takes a deep breath she’s reminded of the most important fact in her life - Josie loves her. 

Just like having a bouquet of flowers coming out of her was a solid proof that Josie’s love for her had died, every single breath she takes now proves the complete opposite.

And some days it hurts, some days the weight of their future, or possible lack thereof, comes crashing down and Penelope just wants a break. 

But then she sees Josie’s cute, concentrated face, her little pout and small frawn, and suddenly it all feels a little bit better. 

And when she falls asleep to whispered love confessions and to Josie’s head on her chest, for a moment she forgets how bad life can be. Because it’s physically impossible for her to think about that when she has the love of her life in her arms. 

* * *

Even with everything that’s been going on, Josie always makes sure to let Penelope know that she loves her.

Whenever they’re together doing anything, like watching a movie or eating lunch, Josie will look at her for a few seconds, not saying anything, and then softly smile before leaning in for a kiss, whispering an ‘I love you’ against Penelope’s lips.

She had missed it - Josie's affection, the way the brunette can make Penelope feel like her heart's about to jump out of her chest because it beats so fast she can feel it against her chest cage. 

She missed the way Josie smiles shyly whenever her cheeks heat up at something Penelope says.

Missed how Josie snuggles up to her even subconsciously, and the familiarity it brings is so overwhelming that Penelope can't help but fall a little bit more in love with her.

It’s all adorable and she loves it, especially when they’ve just woken up and Josie’s not fully awake yet - the first thing she’ll do is cuddle up to Penelope and confess her feelings for her once again before burying her face in the crook of Penelope’s neck. 

And Penelope doesn’t think she’ll ever get tired of listening to Josie’s morning voice, if anything, she can see herself waking up to that same voice everyday for the rest of her life.

But soon enough she realizes that Josie’s afraid. 

Penelope knows Josie still feels guilty, knows she’ll continue to feel guilty for a long time even with Penelope reassuring her that it wasn’t her fault and that she’s fine now.

So it makes sense. 

It makes sense that Josie's afraid of Penelope ever thinking that she doesn’t love her. 

Penelope gets it - Josie doesn't want it to happen again.

So she tries her best to make sure that the brunette knows that Penelope _ does _ know that she loves her. 

And sometimes she’ll look at her and catch sad, longing brown eyes looking away quickly.

It hurts her to know that, besides having to deal with knowing she might die or have to kill her own twin in a few years, Josie still has to deal with feeling this way about Penelope and their entire situation. 

So she tries to distract her, whenever she sees that Josie has that look in her eyes, Penelope pulls her in for a kiss before tickling her, or annoys the brunette into sneaking out and going to town. 

But mostly importantly, she always makes sure to make Josie smile. 

* * *

“Come on.” 

“What?”

“Just take my hand.” 

Penelope guides a rather confused Josie out of the library, where they had been in all day, and towards the garden outside of the school, intertwining their fingers while letting their shoulders brush against one another. 

They walk through the several colorful flowers - white, red, yellow, blue, purple - and Penelope’s reminded of that night when Hope made her take a walk with her in this same place.

This time there’s no petals threatening to come out, instead, Josie’s here by her side - but somehow she still finds herself losing her breath when she looks at the brunette.

And when Josie asks her where they’re going, she simply shrugs. 

“I just wanted to get out of there for a while.” the smiles she gets in response makes one appear on her own face.

She picks up a specific flower when they pass by it, and when Josie sees it her first reaction is to roll her eyes, her cheeks gain more color even as she tries to hide it. 

"It's your favorite." 

"You're so cheesy."

"It's a natural charm." the smirk on her face deepens when Josie blushes even more after Penelope sends her a wink, and then the brunette's taking the daisy from Penelope's hand and whispering a quiet 'thank you'.

They continue to walk through the garden until they get to the dock. Penelope pulls Josie towards the edge, sitting down with their legs hanging above the shining blue water, their hands touching one another in the barely-there space between their bodies. 

The air out there is refreshing, the sunlight hits the water and its reflection hits Josie's face, making brown eyes shine under the clear sky - Penelope gets lost staring at her beauty for a second. 

She didn't actually plan on saying anything, but seeing Josie so lost in her thoughts in the library made her feel an urge to make sure that the brunette knows she isn't alone.

“I know I’ve said this before,” their eyes meet then, “but no matter what, I’m always going to be here for you.” her fingers intertwine with Josie’s in a subconscious habit, and when Josie smiles Penelope gives in to her constant desire and leans in for a sweet kiss. 

A few silent seconds pass then, the only sounds coming from the wind making the leaves of the trees hit one another, but then Josie sighs, looking at Penelope with somewhat nervous eyes.

“There’s something I’ve been wanting to say too.” 

“Okay.” 

“I’m sorry.” and the brunette’s holding her hand up before Penelope can even attempt to say anything, “I should’ve said this before but I just couldn’t find a way to talk to you without crying and I’m tired of crying in front of you.” she chuckles as her cheeks heat up a little, her eyes beginning to fill with water.

“Hey, you don’t ever have to worry about that.” she gently squeezes Josie's hand. 

“I know, it’s just… I love you, Penelope. I love you and when I thought you had died, when I thought I had lost you I just didn’t know how to react and it got me thinking- I don’t ever want to find out.” she sighs, “So, I’m sorry. I'm sorry for saying all the hurtful things I said to you. I’m sorry for ever making you think that I hated you, because I could never do that even if I tried, and believe me, I did try.”

"I deserved it." Penelope shrugs and they both chuckle.

A tear escapes Josie’s eyes then, and Penelope can feel her own threatening to break free, “I’m sorry for not listening to you while we were dating and even after we broke up, I’m sorry you had to almost die for me to realize that I never want you to leave my side, and most importantly, I’m _ so _so sorry for being the reason why you almost died in the first place.” 

_God_, Penelope really wants to freeze time right now so she can spend however long it takes trying to convince Josie that it wasn’t her fault, that Penelope could never blame her for anything.

Convince her that all Penelope sees when she looks at her is happiness, a safe place, a home. 

But she doesn’t interrupt her, instead she listen to what Josie has to say - she’s always loved Josie’s voice anyway. And besides, the tears falling from her eyes right now might be making it a little difficult for her to form any thoughts.

“I don’t ever want to live life without you. You’re my first love, and maybe I won’t get to grow old with you and build a family, maybe I won’t get to be your last love, but I want you to be mine.” 

They still haven’t officially asked one another to be their girlfriend again, but they both know it’s not needed. Even though it wasn’t said, it was a silent knowledge, one that didn’t need to be voiced.

When green finds shining brown, Penelope sees it in her eyes - this is more than just an apology, it’s a promise, a confession, an agreement, it’s their story.

It’s not knowing what the future holds, but going into it with each other, it’s _ being _each other’s future, being the one thing they can be sure of. 

Penelope looks into brown eyes and sees her entire world, looks at Josie and sees the one person for whom she’d give up anything. 

And it’s perfect, even with their imperfections.

Because true love doesn’t ask to be loved back, so Penelope doesn’t either, she knows she doesn’t need to. Because just like Josie Saltzman’s her everything, she’s Josie Saltzman’s everything too. 

They might not know how much time they have left together, but what matters is that they have one another as their anchor. 

And they still have a lot of memories to make, a lot of steps to take, a lot of experiences to have, and Penelope can’t wait to have it all with Josie.

So she shakes her head, her tears streaming down her face, and tells Josie to shut up because she's the only person who's allowed to be her last love - she doesn't want anyone else - so she better not die, before pulling her in for a passionate kiss.

"Our kids are totally gonna love me, by the way."

"Shut up."

And Penelope’s going to spend every single breath she takes showing Josie how much she means every word - how much she loves her.

Because she wants forever with her, no matter how long forever lasts.

* * *

“I dreamed about us, when I was in the infirmary that night.” 

Penelope feels Josie’s eyes on her, bambi brown orbs looking at her with somewhat curiosity as Josie rolls her head to the side, but Penelope doesn’t look back at her, instead she starts getting up from the little bed they made on the floor. 

“You did?” Josie holds herself up on her elbows, looking at Penelope expectantly, so Penelope bows down, offering her hand with a formality you’d have while being at a Ball. The smirk she wears on her face is teasing, but somehow still soft.

“Mhmm. Now, if I remember correctly,” when Josie takes her hand, Penelope pulls her up, pulling the brunette against her body and slowly intertwining their fingers, her eyes never leaving Josie’s, “I put my hand right… here.” her other hand goes to rest on Josie’s waist, just like the last time, and Penelope can see that Josie’s trying to hold back a smile. 

“And you,” she gives Josie’s waist a little squeeze, “put your hand on my shoulder.” she wiggles her eyebrows then, waiting for Josie to do as instructed, eyes shining with childish mischief.

Josie rolls her eyes, the smile she was trying to hold back finally breaking free, “Like this?” 

Her tone foreigns innocence, but Penelope knows Josie remembers that night, knows Josie remembers exactly what happened and every move they made, every soft touch and breathy laughter.

“And then what?” Josie asks once Penelope nods, eyes filled with amusement, and Penelope pulls her closer, their lips mere centimeters apart. 

“Then we started moving-” their feet move then, as if their muscle memory never forgot how to be in sync with the other, as if dancing together had always been the one thing they would always remember how to do. Penelope makes sure to keep eye contact, green eyes mingling with brown ones in the intensity of their stare, their breaths melding together. “Left… right.” 

And just like that night, silence consumes them both, comfort taking over as the familiarity of being in each other’s presence takes place, and they sway at a calm pace, enjoying the warmth of the other’s body. The air isn’t as cold and the stars aren’t as shiny, but Penelope thinks it’s perfect, nonetheless. 

When a few more moments pass, Penelope breaks eye contact, focusing on their joined hands as her thumb starts playing with Josie’s, “You know, there wasn’t an _ exact _ moment when I started loving you,” she brings her gaze back to Josie then, her voice dropping a tone or two, “but on that night I _ realized _that I did.” 

Silence settles between them once again, a beat passes, two, three. Green looking into brown as if the secrets of the universe could be found in the galaxies in Josie's chocolate orbs.

Josie smiles then, and it’s soft and warm, and stops their movements, looking at Penelope with what Penelope can only assume to be a teasing glint in her eyes, along with adoration - the same look Penelope remembers seeing in her dream. 

She lets go of Penelope’s hand, and Penelope just watches as the burnette places both her hands on Penelope's neck, “And what did we do after we danced?” the smile on her face looks awfully like a smirk, but it's still soft - too soft to be considered anything other than adorable. 

After she places her now free hand on the other side of Josie’s waist, Penelope smirks, knowing exactly what Josie was going for. “Hmm, I don’t know.” she tilts her head, scrunching her nose in fake innocence and confusion, “Maybe you should remind me.” 

"Maybe I should." Josie's smile brighten then, and Penelope's follow suit, and when their foreheads touch, she pulls Josie closer, enjoying the warmth provided by their proximity. 

They maintain eye contact for a minute, their lips ghosting over one another, barely-there touches that could just as much have been imagined. 

And then Josie's moving forward, pressing her lips against Penelope's and Penelope feels as though the rest of the world simply disappears, as if Josie's scent and soft skin were enough to make everything else fade into darkness.

Just like that cold night, Penelope thinks that the moment itself is perfect, and although she knows her feelings for Josie have never and will never change, she doesn't feel the need to voice them, instead, she lets the moment be memorable on its own. 

And with every movement of their lips, every shaky breath they take, every exploratory touch, Penelope can hear Josie's confession. 

It's unsaid, but it's loud and clear as if Josie was shouting from the rooftops.

She tries to answer with just as much intensity, moving her body in a way that tells a confession of its own. 

It's like time freezes, just like on their first date when Penelope had wished she could make the moment last forever - somehow it feels like this one will.

Right there, under the not so shiny sky, with a dim lighting, no music, neutral breeze and the rest of the world as their background, Penelope hears their lips telling a story, one that, although not perfect and not at all near complete, couldn't be more _ theirs_.

And it’s beautiful - just like the back and forth between the sun and the moon, the calming waves of the oceans, like raindrops on a sunny day and the most colorful aurora borealis on a dark sky. 

_ I love you. _

_ I know. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For disclosure (idk if it was clear or not) - Penelope got sick not bc Josie didn't love her anymore but bc Josie was trying so hard to bury her feelings for her that it affected Pen, but once Josie admitted her feelings (at the end of the second chapter) Pen woke up.
> 
> Well, that's that. Leave a comment letting me know your thoughts and if you liked it (or not lol) 
> 
> Anyway, this has been fun sksks I really enjoyed writing this story and I think at least a few of you enjoyed reading it, so I'm glad 😄
> 
> I'm really grateful to each and every one of you who left kudos or comments on here, you guys have no idea how much I like reading you guys' thoughts - I might or not enjoy a *little* too much reading you guys' breakdown comments lol 
> 
> (Btw I started two more fics [that have yet to be updated lol] so if y'all wanna check them out, just go to my profile) 
> 
> Now let me go and stop talking lmao 
> 
> Have a good day/night (and a happy and productive year) 😁🥂
> 
> Also, come yell at me on Twitter: @_PenPark_

**Author's Note:**

> Tell me what you think 
> 
> Kudos and comments are always welcome (and appreciated) :)
> 
> Come find me on Twitter - @blairweslcy


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